An Unplanned Hiatus

Well, folks, here we are--the end of July and the conclusion of my summer "vacation". As you might have surmised in light of my absence, the last two months have challenged me in my weight loss journey. To be honest, they've been challenging in general. The "second nature" I referenced in my last post was put to the test. Little did I know how deeply connected that "nature" was to routine. Work has been different over the summer and so has my mood--both have thrown off the equilibrium that was so important to my maintaining success. Balancing a more challenging workday with a difficult class and less sleep have made the last two months difficult on me, but June and July are done. August is new. I'm done with school until October, working is going back to normal next week (at which point I get to go back to 8am start times), and there's still plenty of sunshine left in the summer--things are looking up!

Too much to try to explain in one paragraph, but I needed to get something out there. Oh, and in case you were worried that I have ballooned since May, I'm actually down 101 pounds in total--I've crossed the century mark. For those worried about the math, yes, that's a much slower pace, but that's not really what matters. What matters is that we're back and ready to finish strong.

Hope you're all having a great summer, and thanks for your continued support!

Steve

In lieu of more words...

4 months. 86 pounds. Almost 5 pant sizes. Feels like second nature.

What a Slouch!

Thank you to everyone who has bugged me to post more frequently. The fact is that I have had so much writing to do for class the last few weeks, I rarely feel like doing MORE writing in my objectively diminished free time. However, as I have been so moved by all of your support and interest, I will try to get on a more frequent schedule. Even if they are shorter posts, I get the feeling people care enough to appreciate mini-updates.

Today is April 21 and I started SlimGenics on January 7. At today's weigh in, the number on the scale was some 78 pounds less than the day I started. I've lost a fifth grader and I feel tremendous. The experiential benefits of my weight loss are the same, but are compounding in degrees. My body simply doesn't tire like it used to; nothing is as difficult as it was. My friend and I walked 18 holes on Saturday without experiencing any foot pain (which would have been utterly debilitating last summer). The only thing that pulls me off of the stationary bike is boredom. My resting heart rate has come down something like 25 beats per minute. I still don't sleep great, though it is not much of a stretch to blame that on my lingering caffeine addiction (the next thing on the list...). The pants I purchased this weekend are four sizes smaller than what I would have purchased in December. Needless to say, things are going pretty well.

I'll tell you about my Easter and how wonderful my family is later in the week. For now reflect on this fact: I ate at Red Lobster on Saturday...and ate one Cheddar Bay Biscuit. ONE! I think I'm a changed man.

Steve

2-XL

I'm sorry for not posting more frequently. School has ramped up in a big way, so it's hard to justify doing much writing of things that haven't been formally assigned. Regardless, what follows is a brief update on my progress.

Things are going well, though not at the torrid pace at which I started. What's been most interesting, though, is that, while the poundage hasn't been changing as quickly, I have noticed the greatest change in my body during this time. I don't have a good explanation for this experience, but it has done wonders for keeping up my motivation despite a (relative) stall on the scale. I learned this week that the fruit servings that I had been omitting are actually of the utmost importance to turbo-charging my metabolism, so I've started noshing on apples and berries like a madman. At this moment, still less than three months since deciding to murder Fat Steve, I am down (approximately) 63 pounds, 3 pant-sizes, and at least one shirt size. The usual caveat applies (I still have a long way to go), but I must say, it really feels good to not have to go to the Big and Tall department for clothes anymore! It seems silly to be excited to fit into XXL shirts, but that size was so far from fitting three months ago, it's actually a pretty big deal.

As far as the day to day goes, my struggles look very much the same as they did before, though I think I understand them better now. When it comes to foods that are obviously off-plan (your fried foods, sugary stuff, CheezIts, etc.), I am not even tempted anymore. In the past two weeks I have sat in a room in which cookies were being baked, ice cream cake devoured, and french fries gobbled with nary a slip-up. It's the borderline foods (or even more so on-plan foods in larger quantities than recommended) that get me. Cheese on a sandwich, an extra tortilla as a late-night snack, whatever. In isolation, it seems like these extra 100 calories are no big deal (and they probably aren't), but I guess I don't fully understand what effect they may be having on my metabolism itself. SlimGenics' whole thing is using food to maximize the heat of my engine--am I torpedoing that effort without even knowing it? I mean, the results, while not quite as electric as at the start, are still really good, but I wonder if this kind of line-blurring could come back to bite me in the butt in the long run. Even on my worst day, though, my eating is 10000% better than before I started SlimGenics. In any case, I'm working on cutting down on the "good enough" choices when ideal is less feasible.

Steve

Roswell

In short, readers, things are going great. I just came from SlimGenics--I weighed in 51 pounds below my starting weight. My pants are falling off, my shirts are all baggy, and my feet are always cold--I MUST be losing weight! Bigger than that, though, I feel my self-image turning around. When I look in the mirror, I've really started to see how far I've come instead of how much further I need to go. I see accomplishment and success instead of years of tacit failure. Now, that's not to say that I would be content to stop here--not nearly--it's just an emotional component of the weight loss journey that I feel blessed to enjoy. You skinny people don't understand how deeply obesity buries into your self-concept--it affects so much more than just what you see in the mirror. It affects every aspect of how you value yourself in one way or another. I will explore that topic more deeply sometime when I'm not on my lunch break.

Oh, and I've started exercising again! I've discovered that the stationary bike is a great place to read my textbooks because it is doubly productive and makes the time go WAY faster. I am amazed at how much less pain I feel when I exercise. Don't get me wrong, I sweat HARD and my body fatigues, but the aches and pains that were CONSTANT 51 pounds ago are not even worth mentioning anymore. At this point, the only thing that pulls me off of the bike is boredom. Sooner or later I'm going to start incorporating weight lifting to fill out the space the fat is vacating, but for now I'm just trying to give my heart a chance to benefit from this diet as much as the rest of my body is.

51 and counting. God is good.

Regarding Plateaus and Inches

Plateaus are an expected part of the weight loss process. My first plateau came this week, 38 pounds down. For three straight weigh-ins, I was 38 pounds below my starting weight--no increase, no decrease, just stagnant. Fortunately (though I'm sure SlimGenics would like to take credit for this) this plateau was timed perfectly with the detox/cleanse/boost week that I will do every month and a half. During this week, my diet has been roughly the same, with the exception of fewer starches and the addition of a protein/vitamin-rich shake twice daily. Even though the number didn't change between Monday and Thursday, I was feeling way better.

Supposedly this cleanse week is targeted at getting rid of the stuff that may be lingering in my system, as well as recharging my metabolism. To be honest, I don't fully understand what that really means, but I know that SlimGenics has definitely earned my trust so far. And I do really feel good. My mood is improved, my energy has increased exponentially, and my body only aches from shoveling--not from the normal pains that plagued me before. Seeing change on the scale is great, but FEELING weight loss is an even better motivator. For this reason, my resolve is as strong as ever, despite the stall on the scale.

On top of that, we took my measurements to compare them to when I started 6 weeks ago--I'm 25 inches smaller. That number doesn't really mean anything to me--but it does lend some credence to the fact that I am actually shrinking. It feels really good.

Oh, and when I weighed in on Friday, I had lost 7 more pounds. So I guess the plateau is over...

45 and counting.

One Month(ish) Update

If my math is correct, Thursday will mark one full month on SlimGenics. At my visit yesterday, I weighed in 33 pounds lighter than when I started. I cannot tell you how good that feels to say.

I don't have a whole lot new to say about my diet experience. Four posts a week. HA! I mean, I could recount what I have been eating each day, but that would be as repetitive and uninteresting for you all as it is beginning to become for me. I will say that I have discovered that I can build a bowl at Chipotle that matches my current daily menu (split into two meals--my stomach can't really handle a whole one anymore anyway) and that I eat a Popeye-amounts of spinach everyday (I can add it to basically anything), but the experience really boils down to one fact: the less I think about food, the easier it is to not eat what I'm not supposed to. The challenge is, if I'm going to always eat exactly what I AM supposed to, I kind of need to plan my day's worth of meals in advance.

This gets back to the very birthplace of Fat Steve. When I didn't bat an eye at how much crappy restaurant food I was eating, I never had to think about what I was going to eat in advance--I didn't have to plan at all. I knew if I felt hungry, the golden arches were ready and waiting. Now I have to consider several times each day what challenges may present, and how I can affect my current food choices to leave myself in the best position for later. Super Bowl Sunday, for example, forced me to save most of my treat(ish) food all day so that I could munch on SOMETHING fun during the (ultimately uninteresting) game while my buddies ate chips and dips and cookies. The thing is, I wasn't hardly tempted by the crappy food, I was just so unenthused by what I did get to eat by the time it was all said and done. Again, less difficult the less I think about food.

Anyway, if my enthusiasm sounds mellowed, I suppose that is partly true, but only because I don't know how to enjoy the work part of this process. I'm basically just living off the results. To be honest, that kind of scares me because I know that I WILL hit plateaus (which SlimGenics accounts for and is ready to bust), but I don't want to lose my resolve when the numbers start slowing down. Admittedly, 33 pounds in a month is a torrid pace, but it is easy to do the right thing when I know it will show on the scale in the not-so-long-term.

But I know this is working. I mean, it feels so good to hear that the staff at SlimGenics is eavesdropping each time I weigh in. I'm still totally in on this. Fat Steve doesn't live here anymore. Steve is shrinking.

Basmati

It has been two full weeks since I started SlimGenics. It has been two full weeks since I decided that there is better to be had in life. It has been two full weeks since I determined that no one could make the decision to lose weight for me. Today is January 22, and I am 20 pounds lighter than I was two full weeks ago.

Yes, there is a long way to go (I always throw that caveat in there, don't I?), but 20 pounds is nothing to scoff at. In fact, I am pumped. Super pumped. It has been exciting to see the number shrink each time I step on the scale, and I am even more excited that I can see and feel my body changing little by little every day. The reality of weight loss, though, was made most tangible and clear to me at today's weigh in. As I was about to leave after a VERY encouraging check in, the counselor, Ryan, said, "Steve, before you go, I have a test for you." He led me over to the very familiar scale area and pointed at a huge burlap bag of basmati rice I had hardly noticed before. He said, "Steve, pick that up. How much do you think that weighs?" I lifted it off the ground, thinking, "Damn, this mofo is HEAVY!" It didn't take long for me to figure out what was going on...I was holding a 20 pound bag of basmati. 

I stood there for a second, thinking first about how ridiculously heavy the bag felt, and how ABSURD it is that I was carrying it around ON ME two weeks ago! Even for that short amount of time standing there, I felt my knees start to ache. My knees haven't hurt in over a week--it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to make that connection. It was such a powerful moment for me--to see weight loss as something other than digits changing on the scale or friendly trips to the mirror. I'm literally shrinking.

So, it has been two full weeks, and I am a bulk bag of rice lighter. Maybe I'll lift a Mini Cooper on my last day.

Steve

Habits: A Two Part Equation

(I am so tired. I am writing tonight as an exercise in commitment--not because I am feeling the least bit eloquent.)

Welp, 8 days down; 13 pounds down. Not bad. Half of the diet already feels like second nature--saying "no" to Fat Steve's menu is getting easier and easier everyday. The greasy ghosts that haunted my tastebuds are gone. Saying no to sugar all of last year laid a great foundation for this year's much more aggressive endeavor into self-discipline. I learned how not to dwell on the things I couldn't have, and to find pleasure in the REASON for saying "no". I feel I have broken my bad eating habits (or at least the most obviously offensive ones) and I don't really miss them at all. But that's just half of the new lifestyle story...

I AM SO SICK OF VEGETABLES! While I am still very much a believer in SlimGenics, good grief do they want me to eat a ton of produce. Here is the part where I make the cliche complaints about healthy food: It's so expensive, it's out of season, and hard to keep fresh in the house for any amount of time. Here's the real problem: Whether or not I am able to easily say no to McDonalds, my tastebuds are still accustomed to those kinds of flavors. Salty, greasy, predictable. I have six different kinds of vegetables in my fridge, but right now I'd prefer to eat nothing to trying to make them taste good. Now, I know that's just because I'm not really hungry and I'm in a funky mood, but, for crying out loud, it's 9:30 and I'm still supposed to have two more servings of vegetables and another of fruit! I just want to go to bed! Getting rid of the old habits has been easy so far; it's the replacing them with good habits that is hard for me. Knowing what I know about psychology, I realize that replacing the habit is going to be crucial to longterm success. I am going to keep working at it, I'm just bored with it tonight. Better than breaking down for a cheeseburger.

On the positive side of things, my appetite has shrunk considerably. I find myself quite full at the end of my humble plates. This was a crucial step in surviving the weight loss process--I'm glad to not have to fight hunger pangs throughout the day.

One last thought: weighing in every day is a bad idea. Losing weight is a long term goal, but doing the right things is a minute to minute commitment. When you weigh in every day, the marginal successes are less motivating. Feeling like you've done a great job since yesterday, then seeing .1 pounds difference on the scale is somewhat less than inspirational. That's just an unimpressive bowel movement's difference really. Starting next week, I'm going to weigh in only a few times a week. In theory, as I continue to follow the plan, I will continue to FEEL the benefits of leaving Fat Steve behind every day, but will see more quantitative change from weigh in to weigh in by spreading them out. Please note, this is not Steve defying the folks at SlimGenics by coming in 3 times per week. They suggest coming in every day for the first two weeks to make sure you are getting the hang of things, then coming in 3 times per week thereafter. 

This got long. Maybe I should have been writing for school instead. Oh well, thanks for your time!

Steve

Grumblings

This was a tough weekend for my stomach. Not because I was hungry--not nearly--but because it is being forced to adjust to having to process real food! My roommate, Shane, said it best: Before, my stomach could just quick scan what I was eating and say, "Welp, nothing useful here. To the colon!" Now it has to work. Or it gets to work. All of this roughage is undoubtedly good for me, but my gut is learning what to do with it. Since yesterday (Saturday) morning, my stomach has been grumbling constantly, but definitely not out of hunger. It hasn't been painful or nauseating, just uncomfortable. I'm going to bring it up with my counselor at my check in tomorrow, but my guess is that it'll resolve itself in time.

We're coming up on the official One Week mark, and I am weighing in 10.25 pounds lighter than when I started on Tuesday. Pretty...pretty...pretty...pretty good. My clothes are fitting better, my body is not nearly as tired as it was when it was full of grease, and I'm even more motivated than when I started. I still have a long way to go, but I am fully on board.

I haven't even eaten all of my food today. This is the weirdest diet.

Steve

Victories and Redefining Food

My department was treated to Five Guys Burgers for lunch today to celebrate my coworker's retirement. In other words, I spent an hour in a minefield. While I could have MAYBE justified eating a burger without a bun with some lettuce or something (beef is on plan, but limited in its thermogenic utility), I decided I would be better off coming home afterward to make myself a full, productive lunch. So I sat there, chugging water, chatting with my coworkers, trying not to fantasize about half masticated cow rolling around in my wide open trap (weird thing for me to say if you don't get the reference...). Hard though it was, I stayed strong and got to share my early success with some of the people I work with. I felt a great deal of pride as I walked back to the car. Pride and hunger.

I got home (I live 2 minutes from work) and opened up the pantry. Rather than indulging in greasy beef and a mountain of fries at Five Guys, I treated myself to a lovely turkey burger (one of my favorite foods period) on a bed of spinach with a side of brown rice and sautéed broccoli. Tell me, who had a better lunch? Me, because mine is going to help me lose weight. Oh, and it was friggin delicious.

Committing to this diet and analyzing the way it will fit into my life has forced me to reconsider the role of food in my life. I wouldn't have called myself an "emotional eater" per se, but I definitely used food as a way of making myself happy. Whether it be just by choosing where I eat a meal or picking a snack, I knew I could make myself marginally happier by eating something tasty (and always horrid for me). But now, particularly in the light of the emphasis SlimGenics puts on the food driving the weight loss, I am seeing food more as fuel for my fire. Fuel that, as it happens, might not have to taste terrible!

Just a victory and a few thoughts to share today. Thanks for reading!

Steve

You Can't Walk a Mile without Taking a First Step

Through two and a half days on SlimGenics I have lost seven pounds. Seven. During that time, I have eaten several cups of raw spinach, a heaping portion of green beans, a whole mess of berries (with an emphasis on rasp- and blue-), 8 apples, four turkey burgers, and a couple of hardboiled eggs (in addition to the three afore mentioned protein-laden shakes). The first three days (the prep phase) look slightly different from the rest of the program, but only just so. I have the freedom to eat a little more protein and have a shake I need to drink twice a day during this phase, but there will be other things added to replace those items starting Friday. While my stomach has had to adjust to portions smaller than that which would feed an army, I have not gone hungry at any point in the last three days. I'm so in on SlimGenics right now.

And I already feel better! My head is heavy because I haven't slept much and have had to cut caffeine significantly, but my body feels springier--like all the little things that are hard for a fatso are a little less laborsome. Considering I am only three days in, this is another newly discovered motivating-benefit of this endeavor. And those are the kinds of factors that motivate longer.

Tomorrow I start the main phase of the diet--the plan I'll be on for the foreseeable future. Every day, I'm EXPECTED to eat three servings of meat/protein, three servings of fruit, four servings of vegetables, three servings of fat (a bit of butter or olive oil will be most common), two non-flour starches (oats, brown rice, quinoa, etc.), one floured starch, and three of their protein-rich, low fat/carb snacks. Their menu is a LITTLE restrictive (no corn or bananas for example), but basically all sensible, real food is fair game. Somehow I've stumbled upon a diet that wants me to eat more than I want to...

This is all really exciting for me. It doesn't feel laborious--it just feels like caring about what I put in my body (you know, like a skinny person).

Seven pounds! Hooray!

Steve

My Last Day as a Fat Kid

Today was a big day. Today, January 6, 2014, was my last day as a fat kid.

Tomorrow morning I will be embarking on a journey of diminishing proportions. I have enrolled in the Slimgenics program--a guided weight loss plan built upon eating real, healthy foods in reasonable portions, along with one-to-one counseling to help push me through the inevitable stumbling blocks along the way. The plan promises quite rapid results, but at whatever rate the pounds come off, the kind of behavior modification the program espouses is very much in line with healthy, lasting success. There's nothing drastic or risky about it, it's just about discipline. If you have questions about the plan, feel free to ask. Some of the nuances will inevitably come up in this journal over time.

Today was my allotted indulgence day--the last day for a while that I get to eat whatever I want. But, to be honest, it's really the last day of it's kind. Period. I'm done being a fat kid; I'm done letting my selfish tongue make the decisions that the rest of me has to pay for. I'm done settling for a good-enough version of myself. Starting tomorrow, I'm not a fat kid anymore. Starting tomorrow, I'm a healthy adult. Now, I fully understand that losing weight WILL take time, and it will take time for my body to heal the damage that the last 25 years have done. I'm not "healthy" yet. But "healthy" isn't a status; healthy is ongoing. And, for me, healthy is about to start. By the grace of God, right now I'm just fat. My heart is fine; my blood pressure and other vitals are decent enough. But, at the rate I had been going, those numbers were ready to head south--this is me nipping all that in the bud. I'm taking control.

I'm going to journal here at least four times a week (Mon-Sun) about the process, about success, and about failure. My favorite service that SlimGenics offers is the accountability--if I stop going in for counseling, they start calling to bug me. They're not calling to drum up business, they don't get paid any extra for my visits, they call because they want me to succeed. It is for this same reason that I'm making this blog public. I want to keep anyone who cares up to date on my progress, but I also know that I'm going to need support from the people who love me. So, if you feel so moved, please feel free to ask how it's going, encourage as you see fit, and comment on how dead sexy I look. In time, with practice in self-discipline and dedication, I hope to become a better man and smaller person through this all-important process.

I can't wait to get started.

Steven